We’re all shaped by key decisions in our lives. What school we go to, who we associate with, careers we choose. These all pale in comparison to the one true determinate of character in this world: our first video game console.
Whether you died to that first Goomba countless times or you awoke on the Pillar of Autumn totally unprepared for a war with some pretty humourous aliens, our first gaming experiences undoubtedly sculpts our gaming personas.
We shift our view to the social sciences for a moment to identify just how each console influenced newcomers to our world.
What does your first video game console say about you?
You want it all. You want it now. The Xbox was your one-way ticket to never having to leave your bedroom and you’re still convinced it was the best decision you ever made. It’s Xbox or nothing for you. A title isn’t coming out on the glorious leader console? It’s not worth having!
Your life revolves around this little black box, and you select your friends based on whether or not they have a PlayStation. You pride yourself on efficiency and reducing anything redundant in your life.
Cut from the mould that cut more figures than Richard Branson’s chequebook, you’re all fun all the time. That’s what you want people to think, anyway. Your partner is an absolute bombshell, though they don’t even know how to spell ‘server breach’, and you own more copies of FIFA than there have been World Cups (FUN FACT: there’ve been 20). You’re happy to try anything once, as long as it isn’t playing an Xbox, and you’re probably reading this while in an office at your 9-5 job.
You’re the life of the party; except, when the party is over, life has no meaning for you. Your household never had a gaming console before this and your idea of fun was going outside and socialising with your friends. How misguided you were. You look for any excuse to host gatherings and almost without thought will purchase any Wii game that says 2+ players on the back. This is your primary method of making acquaintances and you know most of your friends only by their Wii Friend Code.
Sega Master System
Short of a worrying affinity for Sonic, you’ve probably turned out fairly regular. Your love and attention is fleeting but pure. You were one of the (very) few who bought a Dreamcast on release and then ended up selling it before it appreciated enough in value to pay off your mortgage. You watch entire TV series on YouTube and then complain when they don’t get renewed, and you’re loyal to the classics. You’re the kind of person who plays Call of Duty for the campaign, multiplayer just doesn’t interest you as much as it does everyone else. It’s highly unlikely you’ve ever worn a tie.
You keep your games in one of two places: either in the attic/storage collecting dust or in a glass cabinet safe from the grubby fingers of anyone who isn’t you. To you, the SNES is art.
You bleed Nintendo, but you spend more time talking about it than playing it. That’s okay though because your knowledge on the matter is second to few. Not only is your house filled with IKEA furniture, but you can pronounce each of their names. You’re a cat person.
If your first gaming device was an original Gameboy or a Gameboy Pocket, it’s almost a certainty that you’ve got a 3DS right now and a 53% chance that you’re currently playing it at this very moment. You move around a lot, nowhere important, but a lot and the DS goes with you everywhere. You are the most skilled multitasker of the lot, achieving semi-coherent conversations with ease. You love learning, but not about practical things like taxes, cooking or how to drive a car, rather about the history of Japan and how anime is much better than western animation.
Unless you’re an avid game developer, this was probably a mistake. We learned plenty of lessons from the Ouya and its story, but you learned them the hard way. As a result, you’re not a very trusting person anymore, and your avid distaste for crowdfunding is palpable. You now spend most of your gaming hours playing emulators on a Samsung Galaxy S3 and want very little to do with gaming outside of that. It’s the simplicity of games that attracts you to the pastime. You are the modern hipster of the gaming world.
You feel almost personally responsible for the success of modern gaming. You were there at the true birth of it, and credit is due. You were part of the masses that brought the gaming industry to glorious heights and then crushed Atari when they dared to do something different with the Jaguar. You demand progress but despise change. Despite this, you understand that people like different things, so you stay out of most gaming discussions and it’s likely most people don’t even know you play video games.
Congratulations! You’ve likely seen more epoch’s pass than any other human, and if you’re still playing games at this point you deserve an enormous achievement. 100G - Walking with Dinosaurs.
You’re very easily amused. If you’re not looking up parts for your old Colecovision, you’re smashing out the latest Sudoku challenge or telling your friends all about how much better everything was ‘back in the day’.
You’re not a console elitist, though. You know that good things come in all shapes and sizes, and we respect you for that.
This isn’t a console. You don’t count.
At the bare bones of it, we’re one and the same. United by our love for games. Whether big or small, the gaming industry has given so much to so many of us and the reality is that, if you started with one of these, you’ve probably had a pretty enjoyable gaming life so far.
Okay, maybe not the Ouya.
Was one of these your first console? Do you know someone who fits the stereotypes? Share your stories in the comments section below!
This article is an opinion piece and is not necessarily a reflection of the views and beliefs of BLOT Gaming as a company. It is a representation only of the author’s view point and in almost no way should it be taken seriously. Unless you bought an Ouya.